Eco-Crafting

I'm sitting around here at the house today waiting for mama's labor to kick into high gear so I thought I'd pass the time doing laundry crafting!

I've been interested in reducing my family's reliance on convenience plastics like zip lock bags and plastic wrap. I've started buying more products in glass and saving the containers for later use. I make it a point to always check the clearance aisles for great deals on plastic alternatives. I have found some good deals on glass storage containers (especially with glass or metal lids...I like those best) at resale stores and I found a set of glass fridge containers at a local bed and bath store for 75% off! They don't stack as well but by storing my leftovers in glass, I am reminded of the contents more frequently and I tend to eat then sooner. This way I throw less food away and keep my fridge cleaned out better.

But glass is just not practical for everything....like packing a sandwich lunch, so I found myself still depending a lot on plastic storage bags for produce, sandwiches, cheese, etc. I wanted something that was made from environmentally responsible materials, and which could either be recycled or was biodegradable.

I was intrigued by some innovative products created by a company called Abeego. They make beautiful snack wraps and bowl covers out of waxed fabric. But being the cheapskate I am, I wanted to see if I could make a knock-off.

Then I found directions online for making waxcloth (you'll need to keep scrolling down the various pages and clicking on "next step" so see the whole process). I thought it looked doable so I gathered my supplied and got started! I wanted to use organic cotton and I found some in my town in beautiful prints. I bought 1/4 yard of two prints and 1/2 yard of another. The 1/4 yard pieces will be okay for small wraps but not big enough for  a sandwich. I would just stick with 1/2 yard or larger in the future. The directions call for an 18 inch square piece, which I found to be a little too large unless you want to cover a large bowl or keep produce. Ideally in a well stocked kitchen, a variety of sizes would be very handy. I wouldn't make one larger than 18 inches, tho

The fabric was priced between $11 and $17 per yard, so it wasn't cheap, but you could get a year of use out of your cloth, so it would still be cheaper in the long run. I don't think standard fabrics are necessarily bad to use, especially if you already have them lying around. What ever fabrics you choose, you need to make sure they are a thin fabric (like a cotton weave) with a high thread count. The directions call for 180 to 200 thread counts (threads per inch) but I was informed at a local posh fabric store that this is referred to as "sheeting" in the fabric world and it's a little tough to find. I did see online that you can sometimes buy organic sheets (I'd try a flat sheet) for a decent price, so you might want to go that route.

Next you will need some beeswax. There are different levels of purity for beeswax. Cosmetic grade is recommended (because it's filtered and food safe) but I opted for wax that had only been melted down once and was not filtered. I could see that the piece I got was clean. You don't want to buy one that has lots of debris (read: dead bee parts) in it, but I was able to save $3 per pound this way, so I was happy with that. I purchased my wax and some cotton strong to make ties on my wraps for $7.95 and $3.50 respectively.

You will also need a cheese grater. I used my kitchen grater but it will be difficult to get the wax off later so if you can swing it (check a resale shop), I'd recommend buying a grater you can just keep in your craft box.

Some other supplies you will need, but will likely already have are newspaper or a flat open box (or even paper sacks), aluminum foil, parchment paper, sewing or pinking shears and a tape measure.

First I washed and dried my fabrics on hot to preshrink them. Then I cut a piece of fabric into an 18 inch square. I didn't have newspaper so I laid out some brown paper grocery store sacks. On top of that went a layer of aluminum foil, then parchment paper, and lastly, my fabric piece. (A hint: if you can tape your paper, aluminum and parchment down, it might help you later. Don't tape the fabric and don't put tape where the iron will melt it.)

Next I prepared my iron by wrapping two layers of aluminum foil over the surface. My iron doesn't have the option of turning off the steam, but if yours does, do this, or else empty the water out of your iron.

So the next step is to grate some wax onto your fabric. It's best if your work surface accommodates your whole fabric piece, otherwise you have to move it and this can be tricky (though not impossible). Grating the wax takes some muscle. It's best if you use the fine grater. Just keep walking your grater around your fabric until the grated wax is even spaced and looks about like this. It takes less wax than you think and it's much easier to add wax than to take it off.

Gently spread your wax around the fabric evenly. Get it close to the edge. Turn your iron on and when it's hot, lay it on one corner of the fabric for a few seconds, then gently move your iron around in a circular pattern to disperse the hot wax. You will notice the color of your fabric will change slightly as the yellowish wax saturates it. Move the iron toward the edges to saturate then as well. Make your way all the way around the cloth until all the wax is melted. Add a little grated wax to any thin spots.

When you have finished that side, run your iron over the whole thing a few times to heat up all the wax, then quickly turn your fabric over. Iron the other side a bit to make sure that side is completely covered as well. Then lift your fabric up again and wave it gently in the air to let it cool.

Here you can see in the upper left corner the raw material and in the lower right, the waxed material.

Lastly (for now) I used my pinking shears or my rotary cutter with the pinking blade to pretty up the edges. It's MUCH easier to do this AFTER you apply the wax rather than before. Voila! You are ready to go! You can add buttons and string to make it possible to close the bag more securely if you wish. Or you can just fold items inside the wrap. It just depends how you want to use it. I think I will eventually add some closures to mine.

Here you can see the wrap folded into an envelope shape

.

And here you can see it folded into a cone. This would be a great shape for lettuce or other produce.

You can sew your wrap into the cone shape permanently or you can use elastic around it (cotton and rubber elastic is enviro-friendly). Here I have used a smaller wrap on a small bowl and used elastic to keep it on. You can sort of seal the wax to the bowl but not super well, but with the elastic, it's just right. I doubt it's completely water or air tight, but it should do the trick in your fridge if left upright. It would be lovely to have some round waxed cloths for just this purpose. Think how pretty they will look in your fridge!

Let me know if you try this or if you have any other wonderful ways to avoid plastic bags.

Hippie Fair 2011

In these parts, the second weekend in July brings a wonderful, magical event called Oregon Country Fair (OCF) where free spirits from the world over congregate to get their hippie on. This fabulous event takes place practically in my back yard. I could walk there.....but by the time the fair is over I am so walked out that I would probably die, so I pay the $8 to park there.

If you live in this town, you either love or hate OCF. During the three days that the fair operates (and to some degree the days before and after for set up and take down as well), our town swells from about 2500 to 45,000, which are mostly what we lovingly refer to as "dirty hippies." This is not really a pejorative, everyone at the fair is very very dirty as the fair takes place in a wooded area with a natural dirt path. It's gorgeous and quite dirt-y.

If you thought hippies were from the 70's think again. Hippies are alive and well in the Mid-Willamette Valley in Oregon. We have hippies of every age.  We have old hippies (the originals) who are mostly doing very well for themselves with craft businesses such as stained glass, wood working, moccasin making, or metal forging. Some are computer programmers or teachers or whatnot. You can tell the old hippies by their Chacos/Birkenstocks/Keens and Hawaiian print shirts. Most old hippies grew up, more or less, had families, and the have a sort of homecoming each year at OCF where they get reacquainted with their inner hippie.

At the other end of the spectrum you have young hippies. These can be quite pleasant peace loving, nature oriented individuals who smile a lot and smell like sweat and patchouli oil (I wish I had a scratch and sniff on m blog) or they can be obnoxious and rude. But for the most part, I find them to be eccentric, silly, at times flamboyant individuals. I really think they are a breed their own (to borrow a phrase) and there is really nowhere else where I can think of where you will see what you see at OCF.

I love people watching, and for three plus days each July I get all the most interesting specimens passing almost literally by my front door. I don't attend the fair every year, but when I do, it's the cat's meow. It's the ADD people watcher's Disneyland. My head spins around so fast surfing the data superhighway of awesome that I can get dizzy...which requires I sit down and enjoy a Ruby Nipple, of course.

And you know, I seriously mean no disrespect. These folks, young and old, proudly let their freak flags fly. It's almost as if there is an unmentioned competition to see who can bring the most shock-value. And I'm not talking about the clothing-optional crowd. They are mostly just livin' free. It's the costumes. I love the costumes. There is pretty much a constant ocean of fairies of every age and variety and floating on the fairy waves are pirates, Robin Hoods, cats, devils, trees, mannequins, and toad stools. There are stilt walkers and dragon parades and mud people.

Apparently there is also a whole other underground event at OCF. One you don't hear about as a fair guest.  This aforementioned freak-a-paloosa is actually the tame version, I am told. The standard schlub thinks the fair itself is the main event but he would be mistaken. I have long overheard of the evening festivities that begin at fair closing. As was overheard yesterday, the day crowd is "pretty mainstream" compared to the evening crowd of fair staff and booth operators. But I wouldn't really know about that.

Anyway we had a wonderful time at the fair this year. We like to get momentous, or just something really cool. I never know what that will be, which adds to the mystique. This year John and I got this dinner bell. :) I'd been wanting one for years.  And it works! I ring it and the kids come running. Yeah!

And Quinn got this cool mask.

Connor drug us the length of the fair THREE TIMES looking for that one perfect thing he was sure he saw but could never find again. Jonah found some cool rocks and almost got some leather elf ears but then didn't....and maybe regretted that later.

We didn't get these....

though they are clearly amazing.

Quinn tried hula-hooping (she was amazing)

And we both tried belly dancing (Quinn, again, amazing. Me, not so much)...I'll spare you the picture of that. We heard a catchy song about a friendly little cat, ate amazing food, walked 'till our feet nearly fell off. And went home to collapse on the couch and slip into our fair induced comas.

....still no Utilikilt. There's always next year.....

My Latest Obsessions and a Yummy Summer Recipe

So it's almost summer, or so the calendar says, though the weather isn't even hinting at it. I think I may forgo the garden this year as it seems it's going to be another short growing season again (last year was only 2 months instead of the normal 4 we usually get). For one thing, my garden boxes are a royal disaster, all full of sweet grass. For another thing, I bought and planted a bunch of stuff last year and got next to nothing for it. Tons of work and expense for no reward. No thanks. That sort of frustrates the self-sufficiency project.

I'm intrigued by this new show called "Extreme Couponing" where people spend like 60 hours a week clipping coupons so they can go on massive shopping trips to buy 5,000 each of four different non-related items (i.e. toothpaste, sausage, arch supports, and spaghetti sauce) because they have: coupons, store coupons, manufacturer's coupons, double coupons, and a deal with the devil. After an all day trip to Kroger, they load up their U-Haul and schlep their loot home where they methodically stock it on shelves into their new bunkers they've built to store it all. Oh yeah, and they get it all for free. 

I'll admit I am a little jealous that they are able to accomplish this amazing feat. I can barely use a single coupon correctly. I would hopeless at a magnum opus such as this. Which is just as well because I have nowhere to put all that junk anyway. And most of it is junk, too. Most of it is processed foods, chemical cleaners, and other stuff I don't use. I don't see a lot of extreme couponing for organic produce or sustainably raised meat. I don't see extreme couponing for natural cleaning agents (may I have 2,000 gallons of vinegar and 65 boxes of Arm & Hammer, please?). 

And yet somehow, now when I do find a sale or use a coupon (correctly) somehow I feel guilty for having to pay for it at all...or not making money back for taking it off the store's hands. Because, come on! It's ridiculous to feel guilty about that!  I just don't have the extreme couponing super power.

So I need to find ways I can make a difference. I am interested in buying healthy foods and products for less. I am interested in putting healthier meals in front of my family. I am interested in having a smaller footprint (and I'm not into foot binding). I also am very interested in learning to do for myself, in being as far off grid as I can, and in preserving the old ways. 

So far, I have learned to:

• Care for and milk a goat
• Grow at least one successful garden
• Pressed apples to make cider
• Learned to can using a steam bath (my pressure canner scares me...I have yet to try that one)
• Make my own natural cleaning agents
• Keep chickens 
• Heat my home with wood

I think there is more...but that's all I can remember now.

I also try to buy as much local as I can and buy products that will have a long life and come with little to no packaging. Oh yea....and just buy less (unless it's shoes or books, which I mostly buy used anyway).

Several years ago I participated in a fresh produce co-op that was run by a local Christian homeschooling family we met through Boy Scouts. It was awesome! For like $29 every two weeks we got a huge banana box of fresh organic produce grown predominantly on the West Coast. The co-op ended for winter and we enrolled our kids back in school and it seems that group was a figment of my imagination as no one seems to remember it but me. And that's really a bummer because I really really want to do that again. 

I also have wanted to get in on Azure Standard. Let's face it, we all need to start stocking up on our the-whole-world's-going-to-heck-in-a-handbasket stockpile, right? I have a dear friend whom I jokingly refer to as a militant survivalist (which is more truth than joke.....but only in the best way possible) who sends me links from time to time regarding how much food, water, and supplies I should be stockpiling for a family my size.....you know....in my bunker. I'm on it.....slowly. I do want to store up staples (mostly because I'm laze and hate having to decide between buying at the overpriced local grocery or taking the time and using the gas to go to town frequently). I am not very good at planning ahead and buying a lot at a time. You'd think I'd be better at it living out there, but I guess I'm not far enough away from town to have developed that skill. I completely refuse to buy cheese here, though. It's like $9 a brick. John and a friend had a whole comedy routine worked about my reaction to seeing that price for the first time. 

So my goals for now are:

• To start buying from Azure
• To figure out how to make the gallons of coconut or nut milks my son uses instead of dairy
• To get into a cow-share (I've nearly done this)
• To set up my kitchen in a way that makes room for storing large amounts of staples and using them efficiently
• To raise my own beef (and maybe lamb if I like it...)
• To slowly add to my collection of non-electronic household goods. (Have you seen the Lehman's catalog? It rocks!)
• Find and buy a wood burning kitchen stove for a reasonable price 
• To get chickens again....and maybe turkeys (yumm!)
• Be organized enough to cook more items from scratch and rely less on canned goods (even organic canned goods)
• Change our diet to include more healthy fats and better overall nutrition

What are you doing to lower your bills, be more green, or get off grid? What cool old craft or skill have you learned? How are you simplifying your life? Doing more with less? I'd love to hear your stories.

I'll leave you with this yummy summer salad recipe I've been enjoying lately.

Summer Berry Salad

Organic mixed baby greens

1 pint strawberries washed, hulled, and sliced

1 pint raspberries

1 cucumber, diced

1-2 tomatoes, diced

1 cup jicama, diced

1/3 cup slivered or sliced almonds reserved for garnish.

Strawberry Dressing

1 pint strawberries, hulled

light olive oil 

balsamic vinegar

salt and pepper

To make the dressing, put all the strawberries in your blender, place the lid on the blender but allow a way to pour oil in slowly. Turn on the blender and begin adding the oil slowly until you create an emulsion. Add a tablespoon or so of balsamic vinegar to taste. Add a little salt (1/2 tsp or so) and some ground pepper. Pour over your salad just before serving and garnish with about 1/3 cup slivered or sliced almonds.

Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day! My family is always amazing to me. I am so blessed! Here are some of the special gifts I was presented.

Uh....yeah.....you may be noticing the plaque. It's just a joke. My house wasn't clean last week either. But look at all the precious gifts from my sweet family! My heart is full. 

A sweet little plant and picture from my birthday girl. I love school projects!

From my sweet husband. :)

Nothing beats a hand made Mathr's Day card!

Or a note laboriously crafted by someone for whom writing does not come easy...

 Or a picture of a sparkly mother and daughter pair standing happily on a sparkly hill in the sparkly sunlight.

These beauties were given to me by my own mother.

Yes, I am a very blessed mama. I have some amazing kids and a husband I wouldn't trade for anything. It's been a beautiful weekend of celebrating family, cheering on my track star son, honoring my Grammy and my mama, dressing up in matching dresses and spending some wonderful time with my favorite girls, snuggling, and worshipping. I am so blessed. I hope your Mother's Day was amazing, too. If your day was difficult because you miss your mama or your little one(s) please know that you were thought of today as well. Space was held in our hearts today for all the mamas in waiting and the mamas of little souls waiting for them on the other side. 

Whoever you are, thank you for what you do for mothers and babies. Thank you for smiling at the nursing mama at the park. Thank you for encouraging the mother of the tantrumming toddler in the grocery store. Thank you for giving the teenage friends of your own kids a safe place to hang out. Thank you. Parenting is really hard work and we need you. We need you to share your experience and advice. We need your listening ear. We need your prayers. 

Thank you for caring and supporting. Keep it up!

So Far As It Depends on Me

It is only human nature to celebrate the death of an enemy, especially one who took so many innocent lives. One so covered in guilt got his just ending. Yes, justice was served. I will not argue whether this was right or wrong. I believe we have the right to defend ourselves. I support our service men and women. I do see a need for police and military. I do honor those who serve. I am thankful for the selfless service of those who keep us safe in our borders. Osama Bin Laden got what was coming to him, no doubt. You reap what you sow.

However, as a Christ follower, I am not called to live as those who do not know Him do, I am called to emulate Christ.I strive to be a peacemaker; I wish to live a peaceful existence in this world. I am not always successful, but I keep trying. I believe that ever since Jesus rose from the grave, as His followers, we have been called to a higher level of conduct. God is a God of Justice, but He is also a God of Mercy. If we live by Justice alone, then by all rights, we are all guilty and we all should die. I have not taken a life, but I have spoken words that wound the soul, sometimes to those I love the most. I am weak. I have failed. I have offended God Almighty with my personal sin. I deserve to die. 

And Osama deserved to die. He did, I get that. I have no easy answers for this situation. I'm not even prepared to say what happened was wrong, but it is sad. It's sad that these things happen in our world. Osama was a product of thousands of years of history. The story is so much bigger than one man. The U.S. has a long history of animosity with the Middle East. The story really started with some poor choices on the parts of Abraham and Sarah. One couple lacked faith and tried to creatively solve a problem outside of God's plan. And the world is still at war because of it. I am really no different, no better. I shudder to think that some of my missteps could affect future history in such a devastating way. 

If we're going to talk about right versus wrong. What is the ruler by which we measure? I believe the only unchanging ruler that can truly measure right from wrong is God's, and by it we all fall short. Romans 3:23 tells us that ALL have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. There but for the GRACE of God go I. 

So when I see the celebration in the streets in front of our capitol and hear people rejoicing, I can't help but feel sad. When I hear other believers celebrate the death of this man, my heart breaks. We are called to more. We are called to be Peace in the World. I cannot see the difference between Arab extremist dancing and chanting in the streets in celebration of American lives taken and Americans dancing and chanting in the streets of our nation's Capitol celebrating the death of an Arab extremist. When we engage in the same elation over death, we are then no different than they.

Peter tells us in 2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise [to return], as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Someone on Facebook shared the sentment, "An eye for an eye and the whole world ends up blind." You know what Jesus said will happen to the blind? They will lead each other off the cliff. (Matt 15:14)

I don't think it takes a theological degree to discern what God feels about such things. He is pretty clear. Here are some great verses shared by many of my friends, and some I know and love.

Leviticus 19:18

“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

That is speaking directly to the Hebrew people but Christ expanded this directive to reach beyond His chosen people and to include the world. 

Matthew 5:43-45

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

Proverbs 2:17 states

"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; 

   when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice"

Our God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. We are only free from judgment because we are covered by Christ's sacrifice. 

I don't begrudge anyone the sense of added safety they feel today that this man who perpetratd so much evil in the world is dead, but I doubt this will bring about any real or lasting peace. Only the Prince of Peace can bring Peace that surpasses all understanding. His Peace never ends.

John 3:16-17

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

So ... there, but for the Grace of God, go I. And while earthly justice may have been served, an eternal soul lost is nothing to rejoice over.

I am so thankful that my God is a God of forgiveness, mercy, and grace. I am so thankful that through my faith in Christ's sacrifice, my offenses are not counted against me. Our choices have consequences. Abraham's fathering of Ishmael through Hagar has consequences, even today. But Abraham was saved on account of his faith. And God was with Ishmael as he grew into manhood. God desires for Ishmael to return to Him. 

Our calling is to go into ALL the world taking the message of Christ's love and sacrifice to ALL people. I don't read "except Arabs" anywhere in that. ALL are in need of God's Grace. 

" Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another.(...)

 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

   “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; 

   if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. 

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

(Romans 12:17-21)

I realize it is not a perfect world, but so far as it depends on me, I will try to live at peace with everyone. And you know, as I recall, most of the New Testament was written during a time of great persecution to Christians....so that should count for something, shouldn't it?

What not to do when you're feeling overwhelmed with parenting your teenager

I haven't been blogging much because it has felt like I didn't have much that was positive or encouraging to share and no one wants to read a whine fest. I keep starting to write but then it goes nowhere.

We've been having a lot of parenting trouble with a certain teenager. Last night, I'd had it. I like to bake when I'm emoting largely. So making more of those amazing Oatmeal Cookies sounded like just the thing to sooth the soul. So bake I did. At dinner I had  half a glass of some wine that had been lurking in the fridge for about 3 months and ate an Americanized Japanese rice dish with hamburger and veggies in a soy sauce on rice. I ate until I was full so I had some protein on board; I should have been able to have some sugar and be okay.

I was exhausted from stress so I laid down on the couch in front of the warm fire my husband built and went to sleep while my sweet man put the kids to bed and cleaned up the kitchen (Whattaguy!).

And there I stayed and was still asleep there several hours later when my cell phone rang. It was the midwife I work with calling to say she was on her way home from a birth at the coast. As soon as I hung up I knew I didn't feel right. I felt really nauseous and "off." Had to go to the bathroom (will try not to be TMI) so I started out in that direction. I got up and took a few steps and knew I was in a bad way...hurry to the bathroom! By the time I got to the kitchen I could feel my lips getting numb and the room was spinning....just keep going....

I stumbled into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and immediately put my head between my knees (at this point I remember being thankful my son had just cleaned the bathroom). I don't know if you've ever tried, but it's not super easy to potty with your head between your knees....and there is the fun fact that our house was previously owned by someone who used a wheelchair so the toilet is set on about a 4" pedestal to make transfer easier for her. We never took that out. So there I am, tippy toes barely touching the floor, head between knees. Up to potty quickly, down to return blood to head....up to potty....down to avoid passing out. Ooops, it's not working. Very hot. Off with shirt quickly. Nope, didn't help, down with head. Blood not returning, head hot, body shaky, lips numb, I'm going down.

I collapse to the cold floor (again thankful it's clean) and manage to roll over to my back. The floor feels good. John's in the bedroom on the other end of the house, door closed, watching tv. Should I call him? No strength. He won't hear me. Visions of EMTs cramming into my bathroom to extricate the half naked dying woman are now spinning in my brain. Should I go to the hospital? What is happening? Crap. If I can even manage to get anyone here, they're going to find me lying on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles. Awesome. You have to pull your pants up. Ok. You can do this. 1, 2, 3, go!

Good job. I do not want to be one of those people found dead on the bathroom floor with her britches around her ankles. I wonder again if we should really call 911. Oh well I can't get to the phone and John can't hear me so I guess I have to get out of here or die on the cold bathroom floor. Maybe if I go really fast (it's only an 800 sqft house, I can do this).

My heart is still beating at a reasonable rate. Good. Maybe my blood pressure is too low. Maybe I'm having a diabetic attack from that half a glass of wine and those cookies. I gotta go get John. Breathe. You can do this. You managed to get your pants up, you can do this. Breathe...GO!

I get up and go, as fast as I can, straight for the bedroom door. I'm passing through the kitchen and I can feel the room getting dark. Move faster, get to the bed. I get to the bedroom moments from the inevitable passing out that is threatening. John's on the near side of the bed. He doesn't know I'm in a bad way, he's sprawled out comfortably across the bed. One tiny spot left on this side...collapse on it.

"Move." That was it for the energy. John wakes up, confused, and moves over.

I honestly don't remember much of what happened next. I remember not knowing if I was okay, and debating on whether or not to fill John in on the true desperation of my circumstance. I never ever lie on that side of the bed so as John began to wake up he was puzzled and asked me if I was okay. Nope, not okay.

"I think I'm gonna pass out."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Are you having low blood sugar?"

"I don't know."

At this point John is convinced that I am indeed having some sort of diabetic reaction (I have had my blood tested and I never come up anywhere near diabetes and yet every once in a great while I have these attacks.  I am hypoglycemic, though). John begins to offer me various food remedies. I kept declining. I couldn't imagine putting anything into my mouth and I was still wondering if I might be having a severe attack of low blood pressure. Just lying on the bed was helping and at least I was not getting worse. Just wait. Just wait.

So I stayed there for some time and a while later...maybe 20 minutes or so later, I was able to get up and get my pajamas on and crawl onto my side of the bed. About an hour later I was beginning to feel okay enough to go to sleep and not worry of dying in my sleep.

And now it is nearly 1pm the following day and I feel perfectly fine. Well, I'm hungry, my feet are cold, and the rest of those delicious cookies are mocking me, but otherwise, perfectly fine.

Weird.

That Unspeakable Topic

Ok, now that we've all gotten our feet wet with the "Cloth" post.... let's jump right in, head-first, to a big topic: Routine Infant Circumcision. We're just going to call it circumcision for short, but in the interest of defining our terms, what I am talking about here is the routine elective plastic surgery that is still performed on 32% of infant males in the U.S. It is an amputation of the prepuce organ of the male penis. Just so we're clear.

And just to be even clearer, to lay out all my cards on the table from the get-go, I will tell you right now that I am adamantly, completely, and wholeheartedly against this practice. And I feel like I have some street cred here on both sides of this topic. I chose to circumcise my first born. I've made that choice. And at the exact same moment the procedure started, I know without a doubt I'd made a terrible mistake. Unfortunately, it was too late to change my mind. That was an emotional reaction on my part which was a direct result of seeing first hand my child's emotional reaction to this decision I made for him. I realize that emotional reactions are not usually very legitimate reasons for making big decisions. If they were, we would never do anything which upset our child but which was ultimately good for them. We make decisions all the time to inflict discomfort on our kids for their ultimate well-being. That just goes along with parenthood.

I realize that some of you reading this have also chosen to circumcise your sons. You might be totally happy with your choice. You might be offended that I am now speaking of that same action as a terrible mistake. And I want you to know that I am not condemning you for your choice. I am telling you that at one point in my life I also made that choice. I also felt it was a good choice. And now I feel differently and I want to tell you why, if you care to read this. I am not attacking you. You will not find me calling you names here or condemning you. We all make the choices we make because we love our children and we want the best for them. What I want to do is to give you some more information and tell you why I think from here out, you should keep your future sons intact. This post is long, but I truly hope you will read it all.

Ok, back to immediately post-circumcision. By this time I had an instinct that things were pretty stinky in Dodge, and I was so completely traumatized by my child's reaction, that I decided to investigate further. Now, this was in 1993 when the circumcision rate in the US was still very high, though lower where I lived on the West Coast. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics had come out with a statement in 1989 claiming that circumcision had "potential benefits" and because of that statement, the circumcision rate was on the rise. source I do actually remember that that was the stance at the time. I remember I questioned this practice inwardly and my husband and I talked about it quite a bit. I think if we'd had the opportunity to talk to an intactivist (someone who is an activist against circumcision) who could really explain things to us, we would have opted out. But we didn't have that available to us and then there was this official statement that there were (ambiguous) "benefits." When we asked our pediatrician about it, she was not committed one way or the other and she said it was up to us, though she didn't feel there were any real benefits. (That was actually a pretty renegade stance at the time.)

So when we'd run out of time (or so we thought) and we had to make the decision (I was actually at the one week appointment; I was questioning right up to the end), I opted for it. I was really shooting in the dark because I didn't feel I had solid reasons for or against, but some family history, in the end, is what swayed me. And a lot of assumptions. Assumptions are no way to make a non-reversible decision, just in case you were wondering. Interestingly, no one suggested to me that I could wait, learn more, and make the decision later. (Seems obvious, I know, but it was my first child and I just didn't think about that. It seemed like a decision one made in the first week at the latest.) And NO ONE suggested that this might be a decision my son might want some say in. For some reason we tend to think of our babies as babies only and we sometimes forget they will grow into men who might have opinions about things like their penises. Do you know any guys who have opinions about their penises? Yeah...I thought so. Me too.

There really isn't any way to discuss this without upsetting someone, so can we please agree to temporarily shelve our own feelings on the matter and just talk about the practice itself and the reasons NOT to do it? Because, there really are no reasons TO do it. There really aren't. There is absolutely no medical reason to justify routine infant circumcision, and plenty of reasons not to do it. If you are a Christ follower (and I am), there are no religious reasons to do it and plenty of religious reasons NOT to do it. And if you are making the decision based on emotional reactions, well, we've already talked about how that is a bad idea.

There is waaaaay more information than I am going to even attempt to cover here. You can get a wealth of information at the Peaceful Parenting blog (this blogger is a Christian, too), so I'm just going to hit the high points.

My Top 10 Medical Reasons You Should NOT Circumcise Your Son:

1. If ain't broke, don't fix it. An intact penis is perfectly functional. Just leave it alone. The foreskin is not "extra skin."
2. Circumcision is extremely painful. It is literally like peeling off your fingernail and anesthetics can't adequately numb the pain of the procedure in an infant. Urine burns the exposed glans every time the infant pees and the diaper (and even air) cause discomfort for quite a while as it heals. The pain experienced can cause the child to slip into a shocked state (usually perceived as sleeping), scream uncontrollably, and shake. The stress hormones released during this time and the days that follow have been shown to have long term effects on the infant's brain and overall development. 
3. Circumcision turns what is designed to be an internal organ into an external organ. The tissue of the glans is like vaginal or mouth tissue, it's meant to stay moist and protected. Exposing it to air keratinizes the tissue (which is desensitization and further damage). The foreskin is normal and protective, removing it starts a progression of dysfunction that worsens over the lifetime.
4. No governing medical body or association recommends it. All of the "studies" that have attempted to prove benefits of circumcision have been discredited.
5. More than just the foreskin is removed. There are several functional parts of the intact penis that when lost, significantly impact the function of the penis for that person's lifetime (remember your little baby will spend most of his life as a man, not a baby). Learn more about the ringed band and the frenulum, for starters. These are tissues that once removed, cannot be regenerated.
6. Circumcised men experience less sexual sensation, and more sexual dysfunction. Intact males and their partners experience greater sexual pleasure than circumcised males and their partners. In fact, one study showed that intact men have four times the sexual sensitivity of the penis compared to circumcised men. There are many other benefits that both men and and their partners benefit from later in life.
7. There are no benefits and there are significant risks to the procedure to the infant male including: certain loss of function (risk: 100%), pain and trauma (risk: 100%), problems with breastfeeding, excessive bleeding (only 1 ounce of blood loss in an infant is a hemorrhage and only 2.3 ounces of blood loss leads to death. see here for more information), deformation, loss of the penis, infection, surgical mistake (including loss of the glas or the entire penis), and even death. Yes, babies DIE every year from routine infant circumcision that is COMPLETELY elective.
8. Risks to the adult male who was circumcised as an infant(beyond the certain losses): curvature of the penis, impotence, erectile dysfunction, tight and painful erections, tearing and bleeding at the scar sight, and more (this is not an exhaustive list). 
9. Removing the infant foreskin causes a loss of about 20 thousand nerve endings and up to ONE THIRD of the full length of the adult male penis. Shocking? Yes, it's true, penises grow along with the rest of the baby. A circumcised man's penis is a third shorter than it would be if it had been left intact
10. How would you like to have your clitoris removed at birth? No? Ok then, how about we leave our baby boys' foreskins alone, too. It's not reversible. You can't call a "Mulligan." Female circumcision (in it's various forms) was legal in the U.S. until 1996. 1996! And yet most of us would never ever consider surgically altering our daughter's genitals at birth. We consider them healthy and good as they are. Don't our boys deserve the same? 

If you want more information on the medical reasons to leave your baby intact, you can visit any of the following sites:
NOCIRC
Circumcision Resource Center
Doctors Opposing Circumcision
Circumcision Information and Resource Pages
Peaceful Parenting - Are You Fully Informed?

Ok, let's shift gears. If you are Christ follower, you have undoubtedly heard that Jesus was Jewish and that all Jewish boys are circumcised on the 8th day according the Jewish law. You've been told that circumcision is a sign of the covenant between Abraham and God and that circumcision sets the Jews apart from the Gentiles. Well, this is one area where a little information is a very dangerous thing. While all that is true, would it surprise you to learn that God doesn't like circumcision? That He does not desire for your child to be circumcised? It's true! Circumcising your child does not please God. How can I be so sure? Jesus said so Himself TWICE, and scripture is very clear about this.

First we need to understand covenant and sacrifice. A covenant is a very serious enterprise. It is a promise, but not just any promise, it is a legal and social contract with listed agreements. It involves (among other things) exchanging names (and so taking someone and their reputation into your family), a commitment to defend that person as you would your own family, it is binding until death, and it involves a sacrifice. Ancient covenant ceremonies including dividing a qualifying animal in two, stem to stern, and laying that animal out with a pathway between the halves. You can imagine that this was a very bloody endeavor. A path was created between the halves and the two individuals who were entering into the covenant relationship (marriage is a form of this type of relationship)  would pass between the two halves of the sacrifices animal, sealing their covenant one to the other.

In the Abrahamic covenant, only God passed through the sacrificial animal. This was a one-sided covenant, whereby God made a promise to Abraham and his descendants (Genesis ch 15). The sign of the covenant was to be a cut on the flesh of every male descendant of Abraham. The cut was to be a sacrifice, drawing a drop of blood from the male. The cut was to be on the penis because by that organ come the future generations. It was intended to be a very solemn reminder of the seriousness of the covenant. (Genesis 17) It was meant to be a sort of baby dedication by the parents and a sign to the child (man) of who he was and from whence he came. It was a physical sign. We also, in the Christian Era, have a physical sign of willingly submitting in obedience to God, it's called baptism.

Circumcision was to be done on the 8th day. We now know that the infant's blood changes on that day from infant blood to adult blood with adult clotting factors. There was also a provision that if a child died because of the circumcision, his brothers would be exempt from circumcision. Children have always died from circumcision. Not many, but how many is enough? If it is your child, one is too many.

So circumcision is a sacrifice. What is a sacrifice? It's giving up something of value, to take a loss, or to permit injury for the sake of something else. If it didn't have value, it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice, would it? God did not create male children with a defect that needs to be corrected. No, when God created Adam and Eve, they were declared, along with all of Creation to be "very good." God cannot call what is imperfect "good." And "very good" entails that Creation was whole or complete, and without defect. God didn't create males imperfectly.

Circumcision is sacrifice of what is whole in the flesh to gain spiritual wholeness. Only it doesn't. Circumcision is part of God's law for his people, what we as Christ followers call the "Old Covenant." The Old Covenant was incomplete. It didn't do the job. The purpose of the Old Covenant was not to bring salvation to the people, but to help them recognize their need for salvation. Sacrificing an animal can never compensate God for the sins of man, it only serves as a reminder, and continuing to offer them was an act of obedience.....of obedient sacrifice. For obvious reasons, actual people could not be sacrificed, so the sign was a sacrificial cutting of the most sensitive area of the body, the one that leads to the future generations.

For hundreds of years, circumcision removed much less of the organ than is removed today. It wasn't until the Jewish men were bathing and competing with the Greeks that it was decided more needed to be removed to make the difference between the Jews and Gentiles more readily evident. And it wasn't until post World War II that circumcision became en vogue for non-Jews in the U.S., and the reason? To prevent masturbation. (Aside from whether or not such a thing should be prevented in the first place, this plan did not work)

But I digress...Yes, Jesus was circumcised. (Luke 2:21) He was circumcised to fulfill the law. He was meant to be the last and complete sacrifice, once and for all. Jesus' first sacrifice was that of his circumcision. It was not an honor, it was a sacrifice. And of course, his sacrifice was completed at his death, ending the need of any further sacrifice forever. (Hebrews 10, Matthew 5:17)

God, in fact, desires mercy and not sacrifice. The prophet Hosea tells us this in Hosea 6:6. The Psalmist David tells us this in Psalms 40:6. Jesus, Himself, tells us this in Matthew. In fact, he says it TWICE, in Matthew 9:13, and again in Matthew 12:7. Jesus was our ultimate perfect sacrifice, once and for all. Why would we, as His faithful followers cheapen his sacrifice by continuing to cut our babies?

Paul calls those who circumcise "mutilators of the flesh" in his letters to the Philippians. In chapter 3 Paul is speaking of circumcision directly. He is denouncing the evils of physical circumcision in light of the perfect sacrifice of Jesus the Christ. It's all over the books of Acts, Hebrews, and Philipians. In Romans 2:25 we read that circumcision has value if you keep the whole law but if you break the law you will become as though you had not been circumcised. The whole point of Christ's sacrifice is that no one but God Himself (in Christ) can keep the law! Romans 3:23 reads "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The law does not bring salvation! It only serves to point us to our need for a Savior! Galatians 5:2 tells us that if we let ourselves be circumcised then Christ is of no value to us!

Circumcising our sons burdens them with the yoke of the law. Jesus came to set us free from the law! It's just that simple. This said by the woman who circumcised her child. Thankfully, our LORD is a God of redemption. He redeems terrible things for His glory. In watching my son's terror at his circumcision, I was awakened. I found resources I didn't know existed previously. I learned. I made different choices the next time. And now I share this with you. I already know of several little boys who have been kept whole because I have shared the story of my mistake. Our LORD is also a God of second chances and third chances, etc... And my second and third sons were kept whole, as God intended.

When my boys got older there were questions. And we answered them. No big deal. And I will tell you this, it is not my intact sons who feel like the odd men out. It is the cut one. My intact boys are so grateful to be left intact. My son who was cut had a lot of questions. I had to apologize to him. And he was gracious to forgive me.

If you are pregnant now, please know that with a 68% intact rate nationwide in the U.S. (and rising) , the intact male is in the vast majority. In the rest of the world, he is definitely in the majority. On the West Coast, there is an even higher percentage of intact boys than in the rest of the U.S.

God doesn't want us to harm our children. We can explain to them why the look different. Heck, even all cut or all intact penises will look different! And if they are upset by this (or if you even think they might be) this is not a problem that necessitates amputation of a functional, beneficial part of their body! No, this is a problem to be solved through education and compassion. "I desire mercy and not sacrifice." Ah yes, mercy. Choose mercy. Please keep your boys intact.

Ok. Comment away....but keep it civil.
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If you would like to order more information, there is an organization called Saving Penises which has put together very nice information packets which they will send to you for the cost of production and postage. For the low low price of $13 you can order your own. I happen to have one so if you live by me, you can borrow mine (as long as you promise to bring it back). :)

The Yummiest Oatmeal Raisin Cookies EVAH!

So it's Saturday and we worked on cleaning the kids' room all morning (yes it took all morning...it was THAT BAD). And now Quinnypants has a friend over so I thought it would be divine to have warm cookies and milk. Is that ever a bad idea?

Oatmeal raisin is my favorite but I was out of brown sugar. I remembered my friend Ginny told me she made brown sugar from mixing molasses and white sugar recently. This really intrigued me and since I was out of brown sugar anyway, it was the perfect opportunity to give it a try.

She thought that the ratio was about four parts white sugar to one part molasses. I tried two cups white sugar to a half cup molasses and it was a bit too wet, I thought, so I added in another cup of sugar. That looked perfect. It's darker than store bought brown sugar, and since I used unsulphured molasses, it also tastes a lot stronger.

The recipe I use is the classic Quaker recipe for Vanishing Oatmeal Cookies...but of course I change it a bit. So here's what I did this time.

3/4 cup freshly churned butter :)
1/4 cup organic extra virgin coconut oil
1 cup brown sugar mix
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon organic Singing Dog Vanilla (you should try this if you haven't yet, it's divine!)
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon (I use Red Ape ground casia cinnamon from Sumatra :)
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
3 cups old fashioned rolled oats (the big flakes are the best)
1/2 cup golden raisins
1/2 cup regular raisins

Heat oven to 350 F.
Beat together butter, coconut oil, and sugars until creamy.
Add in the eggs and vanilla, beat well.
Add combined flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt; mix well.
Stir in oats and raisins, mix well.
Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto an aluminum baking sheet covered with unbleached parchment paper.
Bake 10 to 12 minutes (mine baked for 13) until the edges appear to be a bit dry. You can't judge by color because the molasses makes them pretty dark.  Let sit in the pan one minute before transferring to a wire rack for cooling.
Eat warm with fresh milk!

I'm telling you these are craaaazy good! Enjoy!

Let's Talk Cloth

This is a post many of you may not want to read. Consider yourselves warned now. We'll be talking about cloth. What kind of cloth, you ask? Well, if you have to ask, then this may be a new (stretchy) topic for you. We are not talking about cloth versus leather seats in your new beamer. Nor are we talking about cloth versus disposable diapers....though we're getting warmer.....

We are talking Mama Cloth. Yep. Reusable cloth menstrual products. (respectful pause as all the men run for hills to gouge out their eyes and kill something for dinner...which might be difficult with no eyes)......

Ok ladies, are we all back now? It's not really that scary, I promise. Once you get used to the idea, it's a fun topic. Trust me. Ok, now think back to that first traumatic experience most of us share: the first time you bought your own pads/tampons. Wasn't that awful? It was for me. Actually, it still is for me. And I feel particularly badly for you if you had to accomplish this onerous chore:

• With your dad
• With a male checkout clerk
• With a blushing make bag clerk whom you recognize from your 4th period Algebra class

And were any of you like me and hated this chore so much that you put it off a little too long and then found yourself making the dreaded late night/early morning run for JUST pads/tampons?  Isn't that the worst?! You can practically feel your uterus screaming "I'm bleeding RIGHT NOW!!!" Ahhh the lonely tampon box on the running belt....all alone....with nary a box of cereal to prop up next to it to conceal the tell-tale symbol of your procrastination. Ah yes. Fun times!

So what if I told you that those desperate runs to the corner market with a wad of t.p. in your undies could be a thing of the past? What if pad shopping could be.....(dare I say it?).....fun?

Let me set your mind at ease right now. I know what you're thinking. If this is a new idea for, you're probably pretty grossed out at the idea of reusable cloth menstrual products. That's okay. Right now you are just reading a blog about it. I promise no one is sneaking into your bathroom right now and replacing all your Stayfrees with a paint rag box.Relax, and just take in some information. That's all. We're just girlfriend having a chat. You might want to pull out that breathing technique you save for Pap-smear-day. You can do this. I believe in you.

Ok so first off, we'll take a brief foray into the wide-wide world of reusable menstrual products. There are many different kinds of reusable menstrual products (breathe....breathe...), but we are only going to cover two today.

You might have seen the Instead product by your Kotex in the grocery store. That is actually a disposable product but it functions similarly to our first product type: the cup. There are Diva cups and Moon Cups and several other brands. They are just little flexible rubber/latex/silicone cups that fit in the vagina about half way between your cervix and vaginal outlet. They are held in place by the muscles that reside in the area.

I used a Diva for a while and it was awesome...for a while. I'll spare you the details but I don't use one anymore. They are handy in that they are internal so you they are more versatile (you can go swimming, etc). They don't usually leak but they do have a learning curve to use and they are messy to empty/rinse. If you bleed heavily, you need to plan for short trips to town only or stay home for a few days because, trust me, emptying and reinserting in the Wally World bathroom is a no-go.

So the second type of reusable menstrual product is the cloth pad. There are a million different kinds but they are all just variations of a cloth pad in varying thicknesses and shapes. Some are hourglass shaped, some are long and thin. Some have snaps or hook and loop "wings." There are night time pads, day use, and pantyliner. There are pads with a waterproof layer and those without. There are even smaller pads for younger girls.

And, here's the fun part, some are really pretty! They are! They come in all different colors and prints. Some are really funky and some are all feminine. There are thousands of women (called WAHMs for Work at Home Moms) who make them from their homes or small businesses and make custom or special order pads. So if you want pads with little girlie skeletons with pink bows, you can find that. If you love frogs or dragon flies, you can find that. If you Love Your Ducks, you can probably even get UofO pads! (Is that sacrilegious? I'll probably get comments on that. I sure hope all the guys are gone). Just take a quick gander on Etsy for some wonderful WAHM creations to see what I mean. Fun, right? Well, at least, if you're not ready for "fun" at least you must see that they are cute.

So why would anyone (except maybe a hippie) want to make the switch to cloth??? Here are a few reasons:

• They breathe, so they are less stinky, sticky, and sweaty, and they are less prone to causing yeast infections.
• They are  A LOT more comfortable to wear.
• They are (eventually) cheaper
• No more late/early desperate runs to the store, and hence, lead to a significant reduction in blushing and stammering
• No bleach/chemicals/toxins next to you skin (or inside you), so they are healthier. 
• They are NOT associated with Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS).
• They are hypoallergenic
• They are totally GREEN!
• They are waaaaaay cuter in your purse than plastic pads/tampon tubes.

Ok, now comes the part you've been waiting for. How do you care for these things? I mean, that must be a deal-breaker, right? Nope. They are easy-shmeasy. There are obviously more things you have to do, but not much. Here's what I do. If I'm out and about, I just take my pad off and put it in a ziplock bag in my purse (yeah, if you weren't afraid of purse snooping before you will be now, huh?). There are even little "wet bags" that are pretty and more discreet that you can put your pads in. I just hide the baggie in a zippy compartment in my purse (our you could use a makeup case) until I get home. At home, I place the pad in a container I keep in the bathroom and cover it with cold water to soak. You have to remember to change the water each day (by dumping it into the toilet and refilling) to keep them from getting stinky. It is handy to have an opaque container about  a half gallon or so in size, with a handle and a lid. Ok, I'm really going to stretch you now. Some people use the soaking water to water their plants. Apparently plants love it. I haven't tried it but some people swear by it.

Anyway, you can soak them this way all week if you want. Of course that depends on your preference and number of pads you have (referred to as your "stash"). You probably won't need as many pads each cycle as you're used to using in disposables because they are more absorbent and more comfortable. You should probably start with about 8-10 pads of varying thickness, depending on your cycle needs. I would suggest two overnighters, two pantyliners, and about 6-8 thicker day use pads to start. You can add to your stash where you find you need to.

To wash your pads, you just drain the water out in the toilet again. Then you just toss them in your washing machine with a towel or two (they won't tend to stain the towels because they are already soaked....though you might want to hand rinse the newcomer), and wash on cold, then again on hot. And dry. Voila! You're ready again for next month!

The first time you use them you might want to hang around the house for a day or two to see how quickly you need to change them to avoid leaking. Leaking is rare but you can't gauge on the looks from up top, the blood will spread out less in cloth and tends to sink in more and them spread out, which means less blood by your skin so you stay cleaner, too. So just be aware and peek at the underside of the pad if you are unsure. If in doubt, change the pad, but don't worry if a little blood gets on your panty, I have another hint for you. While cold water and some hand soap usually takes the blood right out, you can also splash a little hydrogen peroxide on the spots and watch them disappear! (That's a homebirth trick, btw). It may bleach your undies, but I haven't had this happen yet.

A couple more laundering tips: make sure you don't overdo the soap when you wash your cloth pads. You only need a little otherwise the soap will build up and can cause problems and NEVER EVER EVER use fabric softener or dryer sheets, they will ruin the absorbency. Also, putting a half cup or so of vinegar in the rinse load of your washer will help keep the PH neutral and make the pads super soft.

I realize that most of you won't run right out and switch to cloth immediately (or at all)....so just sit with this info for a while, come back and read it again if you wish, and just let it linger in there and see what sprouts. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. There is a lot of information online, too. But do think about it. You never know, you might just take the plunge one day (and if you do, be sure to drop me a line and let me  know!). You might even find yourself looking forward to your next cycle.

The Amazing Laura

Some of you have already read this on FB but I really want it here, too. Because I lurve me Lo-lo (Laura's nickname).


If you haven't read this before, be ready to be dazzled by the amazing spirit of sweet Laura. Enjoy.
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I am blessed by a very special and unique friendship with a little darling named Laura. Laura is three, which I know to be a very difficult age for many parents to manage (myself included) but since she is not my own child, I get to plug directly into her wonderful spirit without worrying about the normal parental constraints of consistency and moderation. I get to enjoy The Laura Experience full tilt, no holds barred, on each visit.

Our special friendship is built on mutual admiration and trust. For example, when she must vacate the house with her daddy and sisters because her mommy is having some ladies over to snack and craft, she can count on me to keep her precious blankie safe from marauding pets who constantly seek to defile it by attempting to sleep on it. She can count on me and I do my best to live up to that trust.

Laura also has a smile that is so bright and engaging that I swear its warmth may be contributing to the Greenhouse -Eeffect. And as her brain moved faster than her sweet little mouth can manage to keep up (because she's very bright), she has this adorable little stutter when she gets really excited.

When I enter the room, Laura literally BOUNDS across the room and LEAPS into my arms for a hug. Ad there she stays for a good LONG time, just sqeezing my neck, content only in being near me and forgetting whatever glorious task she had previously been constructing.

And when I am having a difficult day, if Laura's around, she provides me with a truckload of Laura Therapy that is just the ticket to lifting the woes. Yesterday Laura wanted me to read some books to her. So she gathered a lap-full of board books and we sat down to read them. One was about Jesus feeding the crowd from one small boys' lunch of fish and loaves.

As I was began to read, Laura asked, “Who's Jesus?” (Now I am working on perfecting this most engaging and adorable Laura voice, which really serves to bring the story to life, I think. But since you are reading this and can't hear Laura, you will have to imagine it)

“He's that guy.” I point to the man in the blue robe with long brown hair and a beard. “He's God's son.”

I continue to read. And then (stuttering with awe and excitement),

“Amy, Amy, Amy....Did, did, did you know that Jesus is in hewe?” She says pointing at her own chest. “ And he makes me bettew?” (I should also explain here that Laura has some trouble saying her “r's”)

“Yes I did, Laura. He lives in your heart.”

A pause.

Then Laura continues, almost in a whisper, eyes wide, “How's he gonna get OUT?”

So I explain to her that his body isn't in there, he is like sitting in the warm sunshine on a summer day and his warmth is like a little bit of that sunshine that is in our hearts and makes us all warm and happy. And that he's not stuck in our chest trying to get out.

“He's NOT STUCK?????”

“No, Laura, he's not stuck, but he loves you so much that he wants to be as close to you as he can get, so he puts that little warm light in your heart so he can be with you all the time.”

Laura thought for about 3 seconds, then she looked up at me with her big bright brown Laura eyes and grinned. And what was left of my heart melted away right then and there in that rocking chair.

So Laura can trust me to give her the straight up on the locale of God's son and whether or not he's stuck inside her anatomy, and in return I can trust her to take a very difficult day and melt off all the rough edges and fill them with sunshine and sparkle and power hugs.

So far she's batting a thousand. I hope I can keep up.


You can read more about Laura and her amazing family at farmsuitenest.blogspot.com. 

Seven Years Ago Today

Seven years ago today my life changed completely. The change happened slowly and all at once. It was expected and it was a complete surprise.

John and I started our family early. I was only 22 and he was 28 when our first son was born. We enjoyed every part of the pregnancy. We went to childbirth classes. In the 41st week the doctor told us that our baby was ready and she was going to be on call at the hospital on Sunday anyway and that would be a convenient time to induce, we packed our bags and set them by the door.

I arrived at the hospital on Sunday morning, was hooked up to the external monitor, and discovered I was having regular "strong" contractions that I was not feeling at all. The doctor was pleased, but wanted to "help things along" so she broke my water. That was the end of blissfully laboring with no pain. My baby boy was born just 5 hours later, but not before I was scared into some pain medication I didn't need, yelled at for pushing "wrong," and cut after only 45 minutes of pushing (on my back, of course) without permission. And I went home and told everyone how wonderful my "natural birth" was.

That was so much fun, and my baby was getting "so grown up" (at age 10 months) that we were ready to do the whole thing again. I had some wonderful women in my life who were studying midwifery. I thought that sounded intriguing but knew I didn't feel ready for a home birth (what if something happened?!?!) so that time I chose to see a Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM) and to plan to have my baby at the hospital with the midwife. That was a truly beautiful labor and birth. It is completely possible, with the support of your care provider, to have a beautiful natural birth in a hospital, with privacy, low lights, and the loving care of a midwife. The birth was amazing. And then the midwife went home and we were left at the hospital and that's when things got crazy. I'll save all the gory details for another day but suffice it to say that we became acutely aware that it was irrelevant to the hospital staff that we were the baby's parents. They had policies and procedures and protocols to adhere to and it didn't really matter if we understood what was happening when they took him away to the NICU for 13 hours with no explanation.

We were honestly so traumatized not by what they thought was wrong with our child (partly because they didn't actually tell us for 13 hours) but by the lack of information and the guilt tactics they employed to get us to agree to do things they felt were important and we were questioning. I remember we called John's parents in Montana to come immediately and they did. They drove all day and night to come to our aid. And we were so thankful. Of course, he was fine, a totally healthy roly-poly bouncing baby boy.

So when we were expecting baby #3 we were convinced we weren't going to the hospital unless someone was in imminent danger of dying. We again chose to use the CNMs and we planned to birth our baby at the birth center. That really was a lovely plan......but that's now what happened. Apparently all the athletic ability the Good Lord gave me went directly to my uterus. We got in the car about 10 minutes after my first contraction and my sweet baby boy was born in the car, into my mother's hands, about 7 blocks from the birth center. That, also, is a story for another day. My total labor, first contraction to birth, was about 35 minutes.

Soooooo.......not wishing to repeat that experience, I finally bit the birthing bullet and decided that maybe home birth wasn't so bad after all! I mean by this time I was pretty confident in my body's ability to birth my baby (seriously, they should have an Olympic event for birthing!) and I sure didn't want to repeat the car birth experience. Despite the fact that I live in Home Birth Central and this town is swarming with lovely and capable midwives, there was really only one choice for me. This midwife had trained two of my friends, caught their babies, and every one raved about how great she was and how much they loved her. I knew she was my gal before I ever met her.

I remember she came to the house and were supposed to interview her. Only I didn't really need to interview her. She could have had two heads and I still would have hired her. She's that awesome. I remember at first for my appointments I wasn't sure about these prenatal checkups in my HOME. (?) I was really paranoid that they might think my house was too dirty so I deep cleaned before they came and made cookies. I envisioned us all sitting around drinking tea, eating cookies, and talking about .......I had no idea. What do you do for an hour? I was used to 10 minutes appointments.

You know what else I was used to? Putting my legs up in the stirrups, medical tests, and weight checks. So imagine my surprise when she never asked to "examine" me, didn't ask my weight, or push a bunch of tests at each visit. Now the CNMs did much less of this than the OB did, and there are times when each of these things are indicated, but I was healthy, with good weight, and a healthy diet and a normal pregnancy. Everything was offered and I was informed but I got to choose! But she did listen to my baby at each visit, feel the baby's position, and talk to me about what I might be experiencing and any concerns I might have had.

By this time you might be wondering about the title of this post (or maybe that was several paragraphs ago). Toward the end of this pregnancy, at about 32 weeks, we discovered my baby was breech. Uh oh. But don't worry, there's still plenty of time for the baby to turn, especially since this is baby number 4.

Week 36. Still breech. Huh. Well, maybe we should start thinking about helping this baby turn. So I got in a  knees and chest position, where I was on my knees but my head was on a pillow on the floor, trying to tick the baby into thinking "uh oh, I'm upside down! I better turn around!"

Week 38. Still breech. Yikes! Time to employ the chiropractic Webster Technique, moxibustion, manual version (also called External Cephalic Version)..... And when all of this failed to coax my baby to turn, I began reading everything I could find on breech birth. I was NOT excited about having a c-section. I have a tendency to have difficulty clotting, and I was worried about bleeding and recovery. And, I just didn't want to get cut.

It took longer to find materials to read than it took to actually read them, there were so few books. There were exactly TWO. One was written by a midwife in the UK and the other by a midwife in New Zealand. Both of them imported, and both of them exceedingly difficult to acquire, especially in a short matter of time.

And here is where the faith factor enters into this story. Backtracking just a bit.....you remember I have three sons. We loved having three sons....but we also really wanted to have a daughter. And we really thought we were done having babies. Still, I wanted a daughter to share in the line of amazing women in my family, since we are all very close. I wanted a daughter for John, because he is such a loving daddy, and I knew he would be such a wonderful daddy to a little girl. And maybe because I always wanted a sister, I sort of wanted some other feminine energy in the house. But after wishing for so long, and after the boys were diagnosed, and after all the researching and therapies and doctors visits, we just thought we *should* be done. Other people told us we should be done. And it did seem logical. So we tucked that little dream away and moved on.

And then one day...I was sitting in church one day and all of a sudden, I happened to meet eyes with a sweet little girl (whom I have never seen before or since) as she looked over her daddy's shoulder and right into my eyes. And at that very moment I felt very strongly these words, "I will give you the desire of your heart." And I just knew down deep in my soul that God wanted to give us a daughter.

We read books on how to increase our chances, we waited and contemplated what it would mean to have a 4th child for about 18 months, we prayed and thought through all the ethics of desiring and seeking to attempt to choose the sex of a child. We searched our hearts for our motives. And what I was told over and over again was that He wanted to give us the desire of our hearts and that He would give us a healthy baby.

This is hard to talk about because there are no guarantees in this life. My two oldest boys were both diagnosed with some difficult neurological conditions and we truly would have accepted and loved a child with any exceptionality. I didn't not ask for a perfect child, but I did pray for a healthy child.

So when my daughter was persistently breech, and after all attempts to turn her had failed, and after trusting for a whole pregnancy that this baby would be healthy, we were faced with a faith crisis of sorts. Not the kind where you question God, but the kind where you know you have faith and yet you question what you thought you knew in the face of some high stakes. You wonder if you are being told to stay the course or divert to a different course. So we talked and we read and we talked some more. And in my particular case, John, the midwife, and I all agreed that continuing with the planned home birth was the most logical choice for various reasons. I do not believe all women who find themselves with a breech presenting baby late in pregnancy should have their baby vaginally at home, but I do believe that this is an option that needs to be kept available to the women who would choose this option with their skilled care provider.

Of course, for some people, homebirth is scary enough (I used to be one of those people). So when people found out I was planning the birth my breech baby at home (!) I heard about it. I heard about everyone's fears. I heard about horror stories that happened to friends-of-friends-of-friends. And being an empathetic person, I began absorbing those fears.

Fear is a nasty thing. It seeps in quietly and slowly and taints all your thought processes. And it's exhausting. When I realized that I was internalizing the fears of others but that what I felt I had been told by God had not changed (in fact He was continuing to breathe that promise to me over and over again), and that not only was the decision to go ahead with the home birth an honoring of what I faithfully believed about my God and my body, but was also quite a logical decision based on my particular situation, I decided to stop letting others feed me fear. I had to put up some protective walls and hunker down. And that's what I did.

Until early in the morning of April 13th, 2004. At 1:30 a.m. I was awakened by the spontaneous rupturing of my membranes (and I was glad I'd been sleeping with a towel between my legs for a week!). I woke John up and we made some last minute preparations, then I called my midwife. She came right away and the contractions started at about 1:45 a.m. By 2:00 a.m. the contractions were very strong. And my darling baby was born at 2:46 a.m. I believe I pushed twice and out came a very healthy and gorgeous little girl!

God is SO GOOD! And He's not good because we have a daughter, and He's not good because we were able to have a homebirth, and he's not good because there were no complications or because she's healthy. He's good because He's faithful. He's Good because when he says he will do something, He does it! We aren't all told the same things. There is suffering in this world, for sure. And if things had ended differently, God would be no less Good. But I will praise Him for the journey which he brought us through. I will praise Him for his Good gifts. I will praise him for his gift to his servant when I had come to peace about not realizing a dream. When I was done dreaming my dream, He dreamed it into reality for me.

He is Good because he is generous. When I had become content with what I'd been given, that is when he gave me more. When I faced trials that called my choices into question and caused me to make new, difficult choices, He never left me. When fear was all around me, He gave me His Peace. And at the hour of my delivery, He was there.

So happy Birthday little Quinn. You are seven years old. And today I celebrate the dual gifts of your birth from my womb and the strengthening of my faith. May we both continue to grow in our faith under His Good care.

"We have a daughter!"

Daddy and his new baby girl.

The LORD is Faithful! Welcome Quinn Arwen.

Happy Birthday sweet baby girl!